What Gets Through

Reflections from Elastic Orbits #1 — Before & After

It’s been a week and some since the first Elastic Orbits conversation. Seeing pictures of it online, it might seem like it was just another Zoom call, but after holding in the need, the desire and the idea for years, finally being in that virtual room with everyone was a milestone I cannot explain simply.

Over the last couple of days, I combed through the transcript of our conversation many times over, and every time I have, there’s more that sinks in, and more I am beginning to feel at home. Not because we’ve found the answer to life, universe and everything concerning motherhood, but because I am beginning to find my people at this strange intersection with creative practice.

To hear Laxmi and Louise talk about their artistic journey — one beginning after motherhood because “when you start thinking those things, it’s like an itch you have to scratch”; and the other experimenting and evolving an established practice after motherhood — offered comfort and inspiration. I could feel the room exhale.

Louise and Laxmi’s words about making art an accessible and viable career option to their children struck a chord deep within. I am a designer who has spent all her career seamlessly moving across various creative jobs and disciplines. My father is an artist who spent all his career working for a bank. A polymath — art, photography, writing, directing, acting — he spent years working on movie projects in India on the side, alongside some of the biggest names in the industry. When he was younger and wanted to pursue an education in the arts, he was told it wasn’t a real job, it wasn’t a job for a responsible man. So we watched him work on artistic projects as a hobby for 40 something years, while going to an unfulfilling 9-5. And yet, when it was time for my sister and I to do our higher studies, he became the wind in our sails: on a middle class income, he sent us both, at the same time, to a private art and design school in the United States. It is a privilege we don’t take lightly. I am here today talking about creative practice and parenthood because he stood me on his figurative shoulders despite his own denied creative ambition.

What struck me about both Louise and Laxmi is that at different points in their careers, they have each been the main breadwinner in their families. Through art. I find myself standing somewhere between my father’s generation and cultural background, where that simply wasn’t considered possible, and my son’s, where I intend for it to be completely ordinary. Watching Louise and Laxmi live that reality gave me hope.

What came through so clearly with Louise, and what seemed to resonate with many of you too, was her point about protecting your energy. That the things you say no to matter as much as the things you say yes to, and that following your instincts, even when it flies in the face of commercial logic, is what keeps the work alive. I felt that personally. Elastic Orbits is not, by any stretch, a monetarily viable concept I could be spending my time on right now, especially with a newly minted second child in tow. But here we are! There’s a whole soap box story in the transcript that I won’t spoil here, but it’s one of those anecdotes that makes you laugh and gives you the audacious permission we all secretly wanted.

Laxmi talked about taking her daughter to an art exhibition showing nudes by an Indian photographer — bodies that aren’t perfect, bodies we stigmatise, particularly in South Asian culture. And she said, matter-of-factly, that her daughter had grown up in her studio and was quite used to seeing all kinds of bodies in all kinds of forms. I haven’t stopped thinking about this, especially given my South Asian roots. The idea that the work we make as artists and mothers doesn’t just ripple outward into society — it ripples inward, into our own homes, into the next generation. To change something that is entrenched within a generation is, I think, pretty extraordinary.

Motherhood has a category problem. When I finally started Elastic Orbits, it was with a belief that had solidified over the years: how mothers live and work sends ripples through society at large, whether our systems choose to acknowledge it or not. There were tons of mom clubs and groups around me, and yet I felt a restless urge that our conversations wouldn’t leave that space to interact with the wider world. It is perhaps because of these silos that motherhood can be polarising even amongst women. Often, I’d feel like my child-free friends would look at me like I’d joined a cult. And then the mother groups would not understand why I was so worked up about my creative practice. I didn’t feel fully seen by either group. (Maybe that’s the creative curse?) And somewhere in that middle zone — I suspect many of us live there.

While I won’t pretend to solve that with this series, especially given that I’m working in a very specific niche, the very first event offered evidence right away that indeed, we’re all interconnected in this, and will always be, whether or not we choose to be mothers. A number of attendees showed up who weren’t mothers — some contemplating it, some interested in being allies, some being a part of the proverbial village, some being the cool childless aunties, some being simply curious. This has been one of my secret side missions. I will constantly strive to make this space inclusive, relevant and open to anyone that feels called to attend, not least because of the outstanding guests we will have — artists, who also happen to be mothers.

Elastic Orbits has lived inside my head for a long time, and over these years, it’s taken many forms and iterations. It survived the obstacle course that is a mother’s attention, and boy, is that saying something. I’m glad I’m here. But most of all, I’m glad you’re here. There’s more to come, and I hope you’ll stay for it.

Warmly,

Sarmishta.